Summary: Tori, Robbie, and Beck are sitting at the lunch table complaining about how hot it is. Tori says she's so hot and Rex says what is on Dan Schneider's sick mind, "Ain't that the truth?". Beck asks how hot it is and Robbie pulls a Zack Morris and pulls out a huge "Pear"-Pad. He says in Hollywood its 103 degrees, Tori then says her arms feel like warm wet ham. This causes me to have a disturbing image of what Dan Schneider does with Ham behind closed doors. Cat and Jade appear and Jade steals Robbie's water bottle. Please remind me why these people bother to hang out with Jade. Tori notices Jade is not sweating, Jade answers that its because she chooses not to because its gross. I thought she liked gross things? After Tori then asks if Jade is cold blooded and a lame insult from Rex, Jade sprays sun screen in Rex's eyes. I am starting to lose extreme interest in this episode. Andre', our favorite Plot-mover, appears and has a kiddy pool he's charging people to swim in. Sinjin is his only client. Cat asks if sweat and pee are cousins. Wow, two whole minutes in this episode and nothing is funny! After more bitching about the heatwave, they all decide to go to Venice Beach because its 91 degrees. Why not just go to Tori's house and stand in front of the Air Conditioner? Trina invites herself after hearing them makes plans, they should tell her that they plan to go on another day and then ditch her. Tori notices Sinjin is drowning in a kiddie pool and saves him, but she refuses to give him mouth to mouth and she leaves him to die. What an intro!
The guys arrive at Venice Beach and Cat runs out of Beck's trailer house (I refuse to call it an RV.) because she has to pee. What asshole forgets to install a fucking toilet in his trailer? Oh I know, one who dates disturbed girls! After Jade remarks Cat has a bladder of a squirrel, Beck asks the guys who is ready for some beach fun. We find out from interrogation by Trina the trailer is parked in his parent's driveway. Rex says at least Beck has parents, implying Robbie is an orphan and we are supposed to find a emotionally unstable boy with multiple personality disorder who lost his parents funny? Dan Schneider, please get fucked. Tori asks why the windows are tinted, I ask is this episode going to get funny. The RV belonged to a rapper named Fat Biscuit and the windows are bulletproof. I don't think Dan Schneider has ever met a black person in his life for him to be so stereotypical of them. Tori asks Jade again why she doesn't sweat, and then finally they decide to hit the beach. Suddenly, they can't open the door, we find out there is this obese man who is compensating for his dead penis with a monstrosity of a RV he parked right in front of Beck's trailers door. Beck is an idiot, you never park a trailer in the middle of a parking lot. The gang is TRAPPED....IN A TRAILER.
With the guys trapped in the trailer, Trina says the smartest thing I ever heard any character say in this show. After suggesting to go out the back door, they find out there is no back door, and she claims that is stupid. You sure are right about that. This trailer is a fucking safety hazard, I bet Beck's parents wanted him to die in the trailer because they hate his stupid hair. Beloved fans, I really ask of you all to bare with me here, because this is when the episode grinds to a already stopped halt. Andre' complains he's getting hot, and Robbie asks if they can open the window, Jade says the windows are bulletproof. Seriously, this episode sucks. Tori demands that Beck push the door open, Beck then develops X-Ray vision because he sees through the bulletproof windows and blocked doorway that there is a RV in front of the door. He says he can't push a 7,000 pound RV out of the way, Tori then says in a totally obnoxious voice "Then push harder!" I wish the trailer blows up from the increased heat it accumulates before the end of this episode. Besides, who brings a fucking trailer to the beach? If Becks' parents can afford this monstrosity for their stupid son, why can't they afford a goddamn bigger car? Besides, if he doesn't want to live by his parent's rules, than why is he borrowing his parent's car, let alone, living in his parents driveway? What a fucking free-loading leech, Beck is the most evil person on the show. Now I know what he has in common with Jade.
The script must have called for; "Yell at each other incoherently.", because that's all that happens until Andre', the Plot-Man, reminds them Cat left, she will obviously notice the trailer is stuck, start Beck's parents truck, pull them out and save them. Andre' is stupid. You are putting your lives in Cat's hands? As I, and anybody could figure out, Cat is distracted by the most feminine looking four guys this side of N'SYNC. She decides to hang out with them. Yes Andre', your hero will save the day. Back to the trailer, they are complaining that Cat is taking to long, they can't call her because their phones get no signal. I wouldn't blame it on "F"-Mobile, just bad writing. Andre' left his phone in his pants, they can't turn on the Air Conditioner unless the truck is on. Yes Beck, a truck pulls your RV, its a trailer asshole. Trina then says for him to start the truck, Trina went back to being an idiot, and then whines why did they invite her. I suggest they all eat Trina to survive. No one will miss her. Andre' then says AGAIN, he's feeling very hot now. They all scream for Cat in desperation as the temperature hits 102 degrees.
Cat and the four girl-boys are getting into a super soaker fight with cold water. I hate this episode, the trailer is now at 107 degrees. The gang is now complaining about random nonsense, and then Tori remembers she brought a battery powered fan. Its a small fan and they all bitch about how small it is. Its over 130 degrees in the desert, you spoiled little fucks. Cue a unfunny scene about them huddled around the fan and complaining some more. Meanwhile, Cat is enjoying cherry shaved ice. I really hate this goddamn episode. Just like my patience, the battery runs out on the fan, and cue more rambling by the gang and Andre' once again complaining about how hot he is. Dan Schneider was paid to write this episode. Noticing that they need to drink some water, yet failing to notice the damn escape pod on the top of the fucking trailer, they decide to drink the water from the fish tank. But since it has to be all wild and crazy, the fish tank is full of scum because Beck forgot to clean the tank. Trina is drinking water from a bottle that she was hiding in her bag. Please, for the love of everything holy, explain to me why these kids don't just tell her that she sucks at life and has no talent and should just make the world better by killing herself? Anyway, there only seems to be enough water in the bottle for one sip from everyone. I really want to slit my wrists right now.
Cat and Boy-Girl are ripping off the pottery scene from Ghost, fuck them, Robbie drinks the meager portion of water, and once again everybody yells incoherently. I really hope Dan Schneider chokes on his fifth breakfast. Jade appears to sweat right now, and she bitches that she doesn't sweat. I fail to find this funny. Then Tori calls Jade, "Catherine Obvious". She is so fucking stupid she doesn't know its Catherine Obvious? This is why you should never go to an Art School. Then we go back to Cat, fuck her, I don't care what she does since she is only dragging out this horrible episode. Back to the scumbags, Andre' once again whines about how hot he is. Robbie then drinks the water in the tank and then throws up in Trina's bag. He should have thrown up all over Trina, now that would have been funny. Then, to be completely insufferable, everyone decides to sing. No mass suicide and cannibalism? With everyone singing that damn Make it Shine song, Cat opens the fucking door! In the biggest scumbag move in writing history, the RV moved a while ago and these retards never decided to try to open the door again. They all decide to go spend what little time they have left at the beach to go to the beach, instead of killing Cat, Trina, and Dan. Then Fat Biscuit appears and I gave up on this episode to care.
Retrospective on the Episode:
Annoying Song Alert: Make It Shine. As if hearing that vile song once per episode was bad enough, they sing it again!
The Slap Update to The Head: Surprisingly, there is no Slap updates in this episode, which is really a Slap to the head.
Bad Acting in Acting School Alert: Being stuck in a 107 degree trailer would not allow to you to talk, let alone sing, under that intense heat.
Dan Schneider is Supposed to Be A Vegan: Warm Wet Ham.
Why Don't You Have A Seat Right There?: Cat being sprayed by four guys with a blast of their liquids.
Dan Schneider is Fo' Rizzle Wit Da Kizzos': Orphaned loners are funny.
Jail-Bait Of the Episode Award: Cat
Make it Shine?: Fuck this Show
Conclusions: Fun Fact! This episode has other titles, such as Trapped in an RV and Stuck in an RV, a better title for this episode would be, This Episode Sucks.
