Robarazzi

Summary: The episode starts off with the guys eating lunch when Cat comes in and puts a futuristic microwave looking thing on the table. Nobody seems to be concerned because these guys are total ass hats. Jade then says is it a device that would beam her to another table, and is interested to push the button that would make Cat move to another table. Jade is already getting bad points in my book and the episode hasn't even reached the first minute mark. Tori then stands up for Cat, only to reveal she also doesn't give a shit about the device. Tori gets a check minus as well. The device is called the Snow-Pee. I hope it's not spelled that way. It's just a snow machine, it gets the snow everywhere and you are not supposed to eat it because it's poison. Did Cat accidentally buy a Murder Machine? Nope, she got it from the Sky Store Catalogue. They got everything, from Murderous Snow Machines, to tree faces, give your trees a face to haunt your dreams. She got the catalogue from her two uncles. Her uncles are homosexual, if you couldn't figure it out. You know what I can't figure out? Where is this episode going?

Robbie comes storming in and is annoyed, but then thinks it snowed, Rex says global warming is bogus. If it was bogus Rex, then there would NOT be no snow in California. This is what happens when you go to art school. After Jade offers for Robbie to eat the snow, the other guys act completely uninterested with whatever Robbie has to say about what is troubling him. These guys need to listen to "With a Little Help From My Friends." Anyway, Robbie's blog on The Slap, which is an OBVIOUS product placement for the real The Slap website, is in danger of being cancelled because its boring. When Robbie asks them if they think it's boring, they all leave. Really, with friends like them, its no wonder Robbie talks to himself in public. Tori tells him to spice up the blog, because all he talks about are boring things, like the Principal's office makeover, okay, maybe it is boring. Tori then tells him to talk about the lives of students. When Tori leaves Robbie says she is cute. Robbie, you can defiantly do better. Rex says a girl like Tori wants a man, not a boy. A girl like Tori needs a beating.

Robbie shows Rex the footage he shot for his blog, which Rex doesn't seem to give a shit. If Robbie is Rex, then he doesn't give a shit about his own work. Why would he become upset that his blog is in danger of being cancelled if he doesn't care? Robbie is a very bad case of Split-Persona Disorder. The footage he got for his blog is a video of him interviewing Sinjin, who reveals he collects teeth from past relatives. Rex/Robbie avoids this nonsense and points out that Tori is squeezing a pimple, that's not something a lady should do in public. Tori is not a lady. Rex says this is what the people want to see. Robbie doesn't want to show footage of that, but Rex insists that if he doesn't do it he will be a loser forever. Robbie says he was never a loser, he's arguing with a puppet in the school computer lab. Later, the school students are checking out the blog, and everyone is seeing Robbie's video with more emphasis on Tori's pimple. Everyone in school is laughing. Then, Cat grabs Beck's leg because she wants to show him a new item she bought. Its a necklace that if one gets too close to her, it sends off an alarm that alerts the police. Wow, another example of the police actually doing their job? Did Dan Schneider write this episode? (Checks out who wrote episode.....) Nope. he's got nothing to do with this episode! No wonder it's actually engaging. After shutting off the "worlds best alarm necklace" and showing Beck the worlds brightest key chain, Beck asks Cat if maybe she is buying too many stuff from the catalogue. Maybe Beck is abusing a girl's emotions by pretending to like her?

Anyway, Robbie enters school and is stopped by some badly dressed seniors who congratulate him for putting something funny on the blog. Robbie then finds out they are not going to kick him off The Slap because his blog is getting popular views. Then Tori appears, and is pissed off, and demands to know why Robbie put the video of her squeezing a pimple. Robbie then says, he was completely justified because she told him that he could put up videos of what the students where doing. She insists she didn't mean videos of them with stuff that grows on her face. I think she meant not to show videos of her. Tori failed logic class, she told him to do it. Deal with it bitch. Robbie then also uses the logic that its popular so it should still be on the blog, but Tori then says he shouldn't use videos to degrade people. But its okay for her to degrade him? Seriously, fuck you Tori. Robbie then decides to not care about what she said, and creates Robarazzi, which is a very clever, and actually funny, parody of TMZ. Even with a look-a-like of Max Hodges. I love this episode! Robbie not only continues to show the video of Tori being a slob in public, but also shows other videos of the other students being slobs. Andre' has a ketchup problem, Sinjin steals presidents teeth, and Beck and Jade are splitting up. Cat is interested with underwear that floats.

At Robarazzi, the camera is even moving in the same style as TMZ on TV, with Robbie acting like Harvey Levin, they all point out that Cat is addicted to Sky Store, cue a funny video of her acting like a drug addict over the deliveries. Robbie points out that she probably dyes her hair, an inside joke? Holy Shit, I just squeed! The show made fun of the show itself! A creative joke! Damn, this is a fucking awesome episode! Suddenly, Andre', Tori, Beck, and Jade run in while he's filming the show, and they all act like Robbie is a bastard for doing this, despite the fact that they really deserve this. Jade says that Beck and her are not breaking up, but Beck insists doubt. Beck, go fuck yourself. Robbie is still filming this while Tori says that they aren't going to be his friends if he still does this slander for his blog. When where you even his friend? Robbie decides to ignore her and he is using this for his show. Tori and the others start yelling at him, and then says its his last chance to stop Robarazzi. Will he?

FUCK NO! Coming up on Robarazzi, Tori, Andre', Beck, Jade, all caught on a psychotic rampage! Cue a video of them screaming in slow motion, and Tori's pissed off face at Robbie's justified revenge. Tori is "omfg, so pissed at Robbie." Andre' is annoyed people asking him for Ketchup, and Jade says that its Tori's fault. It is. Andre' then gets harassed for his Ketchup problem and cue "Robarazzis" for Robbie's blog, the guy even got a fucking army of photographers? Awesome. Tori then says they should not be Robbie's friends until he quits the blog. Good idea, just keep doing what you are doing! Cat has a new item, a juicer. She juices Pizza. I am in such a good mood at how this episode is awesome, I give no shit about this joke. Robbie then appears and sits next to his "friends" and taunts Andre's ketchup problem. Andre' throws his backpack aside. That's so tough Andre', you showed him. Jade throws his burger, wow. You really are a rebel. Tori says for him to stop embarrassing them on his blog, he says they are embarrassing themselves and he just catches it on video. Andre' says they aren't going to be his friends until he stops the blog, Robbie then says he doesn't need them, and he can find friends anywhere else, friends who are smart and attractive. Did I mention this episode is awesome? Cat then offers to juice Tori's bagel, moving on.

Cat now has another useless device, a Tennis ball washer, when Lane walks in and says she is supposed to be in her improve class. She apologizes when Lane says people have been talking that she has been a little overboard with the devices from Sky Store. She admits she borrows her parents credit cards to pay off the prices. After showing him how clean her balls are, Lane then says she doesn't need to buy all this crap and admires how nice her Tennis racket is. Whatever, cut to Tori at home, studying. Really, I thought the school was an acting school, not a real high school. The phone rings, with the ring tone being "You're the Reason." Seriously man, the song your bitch sister tossed aside as garbage and stolen by Beyonce' is now your ring tone? Talk about having principles. After rudely answering the phone, its Jade on the other line, screaming at Tori for the new video on Robarazzi. The video is about Beck and Jade in a car obviously talking about having sex in the car, but Jade insists she didn't shower and had tuna fish for lunch, when they notice there is a guy in the back seat recording them. See! I told you Beck is with Jade for sex, but really, how did they not notice somebody in the backseat of a car? Then Tori's mother comes home and asks her if she shaved under her armpits. I think this episode would be better without Tori or Tori's family. After talking about feminine hygiene, Mrs. Vega says that the cream reminds her of Tori. Mrs. Vega, you suck as a parent.

While watching a scene about a girl getting shaved, Tori tells her mother about the blog when there is a bunch of Robarazzis outside photographing her armpits. Its now over the blog, what up with Tori's armpits indeed? The next day, Tori and Jade are standing around at school when Beck and Andre' run towards them with Robbie's clothes. The girls pull out cameras and Robbie walks out with a bath towel demanding his clothes back. They take photos of him half naked and threaten to post the photos of him online unless he kills Robarazzi. So they are planning to ruin his life with revealing almost nude pictures of an underage child because he shown videos of them doing stupid things? Robbie, you should kill them all. Robbie doesn't want to give up Roberazzi, but he also doesn't want to become the poster child for NAMBLA, so he decides to stop Robarazzi, but he doesn't know what else to do for the blog. Cue to the show now being called Low-Carb-a-Robbie, with people showing recipes for low fat foods. I still am rooting Robbie to kill them all.

Cat is still hopeless addicted to the Sky Store catalogue and Tori, Andre', and Aladdin think ripping up the catalogue will break her addiction. Were we supposed to actually feel bad these guys were embarrassed by Robbie, a person they don't even value as a friend? After leaving Cat, she goes up to Sinjin and asks him if he has a girlfriend and then a phone. She then offers for him to call him sometime, and Sinjin runs off excitedly to buy a phone. Cat then decides she will use her new money spender to buy a Cat litter box that plays classical music. 

Retrospective on the Episode:

The Slap Update to The Head: Dear Fellow Students: PLEASE STOP LOOKING AT MY PIMPLE!!! (Mood: Embarrassed) Tori, you tell people over the Internet to not look at an Internet video of you? Besides, what teen isn't going to do what someone tells them not to?

Dan Schneider is Supposed to Be A Vegan: Dan should watch Low-Carb-a-Robbie as it would help him lose weight, it doesn't seem like his diet of poisonous snow is working anyway.

Why Don't You Have A Seat Right There?:
Beck: "Come on, let's just go. It'll be fun."
Jade: "No..."
Beck: "Why not?"
Jade: "Because I didn't shower this morning and I had tuna fish for lunch..."
A grown man wrote that dialogue insinuating they are having underage sex.

Hidden in the Closet: Cat has two homosexual uncles, they aren't really hidden as this was confirmed.

Breakin' The Law: I don't care about the gang's blackmail attempt or Cat's Larson or extortion, this episode is guilty of making me laugh.

Jail-Bait Of the Episode Award: Cat, she really was acting like a crack whore the entire episode.

Make it Shine?: This is Sublime.

Conclusions: Robarazzi is a genuinely funny, satisfying, and well crafted episode. It shows you that without Dan Schneider, this show has potential to be a great series. From start to finish, Robarazzi is a very good episode.